“Her hips, oh my God! Make I die if I no taste that booty!” and then he went on to speak to his objectified damsel in this stress. Note how there was no distress and how this dress that this mistress was wearing was showing that she had no underwear on.
The wiggle from the bottom of her hemmed blessings made eyes glare and go crazy. The crazy thing about it is that there are always two sides to this story with a hope for only one end – glory.
Side A. She is a beautiful woman – her own woman. She owns her body and her life and can do whatever she wants with it. She is independent, self-sufficient and intelligent. She should not be reduced to her appearance and what it entails or connotes. As such, men should have control over themselves and not easily give into their basal animalistic instincts and prowl on her. It’s 2017 for crying out loud, the caveman era of “get a hard on and snatch a woman” is tens of thousands of years old. Is her beauty justification for rape? Is her openness to vulnerability not a strength? How is it a reason for domestic violence? Can’t a woman just be herself in the world?
Now, let’s spin the tape.
Side B. She is a sexy woman – a bombshell. She knows what’s she’s doing. She thrives off the attention and we know she does. It gives her a feeling of power to suck our energy and distract us. She carefully curated this temptation. Doesn’t she know that men are weak when it comes to sexual and carnal desire? She might be intelligent and smart but what she’s selling to me right now is her libido. She’s proving to me that she knows how to ignite mine. How can I not let her know that my attention is not for free?
There are so many more tapes on this ever elusive topic – Is she temptation? Is she not free? Is she an adult? Is her act respectable? The tale goes on. The big deal here is that a lot of times there’s years and years of history missing from the argument. Let me explain. In the words of Patrick Stump, “Let’s hear it for [Nigeria]’s sweethearts but I must confess – I’m in love with my own sins”.
Because of how repressed, religious and secretive Nigerian society generally is, we find a lot of condemnation of sexual desire. Let’s be honest, this guy who must pounce on said woman whether by flirting, domestic violence, rape or actually chatting her up proper – whatever his method – there always seems to be a gaping hole that needs to be filled. The gaping hole is that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. A horny tree makes horny fruit makes horny seeds. No matter what stop gaps you put to prevent the horny seed from growing up horny, a horny seed will never grow into a pawpaw tree.
And, that’s just it. If any of us are fully honest with ourselves, our high libido or lack thereof is not something that started today. Our forefathers fully indulged in theirs and had several wives but in this era of romanticism and digital lack of privacy, we need to come up with some new rules – rules that work for us as we are today and towards the kind of people we want to be. Do we not want to be people with a moral and ethical compass that actually improve our society? Do we guilt ourselves into all sorts of nastiness behind closed doors? Is the internet’s openness a valid mirror to who we really are as a people?
Patrick Stump also says, “But I will never end up like him. Behind my back, I already am.” This is just to say that we have women who love sex but who also have a very high inclination to be jealous and possessive. On the flip side, we have men who love a variety of sexual partners but who also have a very high inclination to not be committed. Have you heard of polyamory – a relationship where you love more than one partner? Would it be a way to be more honest to ourselves and society about our carnal excesses and help us face them head on?
The idea of love over lust is something we hear in our religious institutions, schools, beer parlours, TV and radio. But, the big question now is – do we need to learn why the hard way? Do we have a problem with sex or will our society get bold enough to be more open about the culture going on behind closed doors? Are we in love with our own sins or are we just in a different society where sex is not as sacred? Can we overcome lust? Should we? Is it lust anyway from the Nigerian perspective? Are we giving in to those basal animalistic instincts passed down to us? Do we need to be less possessive lovers?
One thing’s for sure – “You ain’t got the answers, Sway!” but at least, let’s discuss it.
Slide in your comments in the comments section below…
Written by John Noble