Hello again everyone,
I have to start off by thanking you all again for the love. More letters came in and I even saw the topic of last week on some “popular” blogs…
So let me get into it again this week. Out of all the mails received, this week we will be focusing on a mail from a guy. Everyone say hello to Ikenna.
Hello Sister Bunmi,
I liked the way you handled the previous topic. I have taken those words to heart and decided to always accept gum just in case. But I have an issue I need your help with.
I have liked a girl for such a long time and well, she finally agreed to go out with me 2 weeks ago. It has been an amazing 2 weeks and I do think she is great. The issue is that she is very needy and the other night I could tell she was about to tell me she loved me. But I don’t think I am ready to say it back.
Help, what should I do?
Ikenna the fan
Hmmm.. Now I’m sure you all know why I chose this mail. What would you do in that situation, what do you say when someone tells you they love you, but you are not ready to say it yourself?
Ikenna my dear, this is a tricky one. Matters of the heart are always approached differently depending on the situation surrounding it. If I knew your age, how long you have known each other, what your dynamic is, then things would have been easier. But for now I will approach this and hopefully cover as many bases as possible.
First off, to some people, saying “I love you” is as easy as saying good morning. They are the full hearted and bubbly bunch. If she is one of those then you may be right, and those three words are coming. Many people react differently and some place a lot of value on those words, so use that to your advantage.
If you want to stay with this girl then your best bet is to distract, distract, distract. Floor her with a hug and then pull back silently with a deep knowing look or smile. You could also try going for a kiss.
At this point (and this is the most important part) you pull back and tell her you can’t believe it, then sit her down and go into a deep and meaningful story about how you just can’t say it back yet. Look into her eyes and recant the story of how every time you have said it in the past bad things have happened. Your ex left you, you had to leave the state, her parents were transferred, etc. Just make it meaningful and draw from real experiences so you don’t get caught out by the time you actually do fall in love.
It has to be a big deal, she has to know you would maybe have said it back but you are just not ready to jinx what you both have right now.
It may work, it may not but this is the best move I have available for you.
There are other options:
-If you are on the phone just pretend like you didn’t hear because of network.
-If it is in person, then you could always try a quick “Aww thanks babe” and change the subject
-Then there is the sly and cheeky “Wow, I love me too!”, but this is for the pros
-If you can just brush it off, then just give her the “I love you” and carry on with your life
-For the brave, you could try (But I wouldn’t advise this) giving her a nice “Thank you” (Please bear in mind after saying “I love you” is the one time a thank you may not just cut it)
Better yet…just hit her with something like this.
Many options exist, but the major factor is how long you want to be with this person and where you see things going in the future.
Ikenna you sound like you see a future, but you are still just testing the waters to see how compatible you are. This is why I think you should use the above and buy more time.
But let’s be honest, ok? If you don’t want to waste this girls time and you already know you won’t feel the love? Then just go on and let her do the same.