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By Halima Bakenne

“Let sleeping dogs lie” – a lot of us need to literally and figuratively adhere to this, especially when it comes to exes and closed doors. There is some sort of need to get an explanation and declaration of guilt from people who have done us wrong which I get, I really do! But my question is at whose detriment?

We have come up with some sort of rationalization to appease the sensible part of our minds telling us not to go in search of that closure. We believe that unless we confront the other party, we can’t move on from the pain. What we fail to see is that we are relinquishing the power to heal by ourselves to another person; the same person that caused that pain to begin with.

However, there are only three possible outcomes when searching for closure with an ex so let’s consider them all:

SCENARIO 1;

Your ex agrees to a meeting in order to clear the air so you can close that chapter of your life. But instead of being mature about it, in a true “men are scum” fashion, he talks down at you and devastates your emotional state even more. You become a wreck and can’t control yourself so you break down in his presence, further harming him against yourself! Let sleeping dogs lie!

SCENARIO 2;

If you are a talker like me that can’t get bullied, you won’t keep quiet while getting insulted like in scenario 1. Now you are both yelling and airing each other’s dirty laundry. I’m talking about dredging up old issues all in the name of “sorting it out” and things get nasty. At the end of the day, both parties end up worse than they were as hurtful words have been thrown around. Let sleeping dogs lie!!

SCENARIO 3;

The ex is a smooth talker and can charm the pants off the coldest lady in the world, he is very aware of the kind of sexual power he wields and shamelessly uses it! With this knowledge, you still go in search of him in the name of finding closure. You see him and he starts to whisper sweet nothings to you, before you even realize, y’all end up in bed without having sorted through jack, bringing you back to square one!!! Let sleeping dogs lie!!

The false sense of atonement that we sometimes think comes with “I am sorry” from an ex really isn’t there. As terribly as we hurt after a bad breakup, the road to healing is never to go back to the source. Keep your hearts and sanity safe by allowing the only thing that can heal you a chance to do that – time!

Read Halima Bekenne’s content on Accelerate TV Every Wednesday

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